Gary Sutcliffe

Prior to 1991, I had a life free of any mental health issues, led a healthy active life and managed our own business – a retail sports goods store in a rural town north-west of Auckland. We had owned the business since 1985 following 18 years as a banker. 1990 was a year that promised much following a very successful Commonwealth Games in Auckland that year and I was involved as an onsite retailer at the Lawn Bowls venue in Pakuranga. However the economic predictions, certainly in the case of our business, did not materialize and in fact the business starting slipping behind in sales turnover to the point that it was becoming unprofitable.

In July of 1991 while we were undertaking a refurbishment of the premises, I experienced a panic attack, overwhelmed by a feeling of failure. I went home that afternoon and went straight to bed. That was to be the start of a decline into deep depression.

I saw our family doctor who suggested I may be depressed and prescribed some medication. I also sought some counselling but nothing seemed to work in helping me to feel any better. Eventually the GP referred me to a private psychiatrist as he was unable to prescribe any other/higher level of medication. The thought of seeing a psychiatrist scared me considerably, not to mention the consultation cost ($200 a session back in late 1991/early 1992!).

The psychiatrist prescribed an anti-depressant but this didn’t work (fortunately I had a psychiatrist who picked this up early through my presentation and answers to questions). The next medication did start to show some signs of working, albeit slowly and although I can’t say I noticed anything on a daily basis, the blackness gradually started to lighten and I found that I was starting to feel better about most things. I even handled the eventual closure of the business quite well, with the help of family and friends.

In terms of reaching out for help, I was not aware of anything other than medication and family support (and some counselling) out there to support me on my journey.

While I was still working (an old family friend supported me in looking for a job while another friend managed the business towards its closure), I was able to cope with my depression OK (thanks to meds and family support) but did have bouts of anxiety about my ability to hold down what was a relatively high-pressure general management job.

Early on in my recovery, my psychiatrist asked me if I would help her to produce a video entitled “Understanding Depression” along with 4 other patients. I was really happy to be involved with this and it did give me a boost in knowing that maybe other people with similar issues hearing my story may help their understanding of what they were going through.

In 1999 I started doing some voluntary work with a mental health support centre and became part of a number of difference groups and organisations in the health sector. This activity was to become a significant part of my recovery and in 2004 – and at the age of 55 – I joined the mental health workforce in consumer leadership, management and peer support roles.

Even though I have experienced a number of ‘dips’ in my mental health over the years (almost entirely due to work-related issues and stress), I have a very fulfilling life and, as long as befriending and supporting people remains my passion, this will continue.

In 2006 I took part in a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) group and developed my own plan in which I identified the person I was when I am well, the triggers and early warning signs of things starting to break down together with actions/things I could do if any of these signs happened. Part of this WRAP process is developing a daily maintenance plan of the things I need to do every day to stay well. I rewrote this Plan earlier this year.

Other things that have helped me have been establishing a set of values that determine my life, something that I pretty much took for granted before experiencing depression. Walking, listening to music, reading, doing puzzles (crosswords, Sudoku etc.) and generally staying active are all tools in my wellness toolbox as well as continuing to take my meds (I also had a heart attack in 2010 so continuing a minimal maintenance dose of anti-depressant is no big deal). Above all is my self-belief and having a loving and supportive family who are there for me as I am for them.

Hard to identify mistakes I have made (and there have been some) but if I have any advice at all for anyone reading this, it is to reach out for help. There are a lot more supports and resources available in our community and online nowadays than there was 25 years ago when things started to unravel for me. Make it your personal responsibility to find out what is available out there and be your own best advocate.