David Hurn

I am broken. My whole life has changed since that day in 2014. There is a very dark morbid side to me now bordering on hate. Some days the darkness takes over and I spend hours thinking why? What could I have done? How could I let this happen to my son? It slowly eats away at my soul. I am no longer the happy go lucky guy I used to be. No longer full of vitality and energy. My work life has suffered also as I can’t concentrate on my job as I used to. My bosses know and understand this. Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed. Depression can overcome me very rapidly if I’m not careful. My partner keeps an eye on me to make sure I’m in a good space. My relationship with my partner went through a few bumps as I tried to come to terms with Kaleb’s death. She stuck with me through it all.

My daughter, Kaleb’s sister, and his best friend are greatly affected.

My friends. I have some amazing friends in my life. People who support me every day. I have come to lean on them a great deal more since Kaleb’ s death. They have always been there for me. Day and night with an ear to listen and a shoulder for me to lean on. They have seen me at my absolute lowest moods and seen the effect that death has had on me. True friends are important; a true friend will listen to you.

I hate the fact my son is gone. My surname will now die out with no son to carry it on.

Small things, seeing parents with their sons gets to me at times. I even went through a stage of struggling just to comprehend that every male on this earth was someone’s son. Rational thinking sometimes doesn’t happen.

I can’t even convey to you guys just how hurt I feel. It’s something that I would never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

Through R.A.T.S (Riders Against Teenage Suicide) I have met some great people. People with a true inner strength. The message that we put out there is that” it’s not ok to go that way”. We are encouraging people to talk about suicide, to talk about depression, to talk about your feelings. Men and women. If we can show our teenagers that we as men, adults, big strong hard looking guys some of them, are willing to be associated with the green ribbon campaign, then we are showing them that it’s ok to talk about how you are feeling. We are trying to take away the stigma of mental health issues, trying to take away the myth of men not talking about what is going on in their life. That’s why we need to talk about depression and suicide. If we continue to hide this issue, we will never stop it.

We need to talk more about suicide, and break the silence and destruction that it brings. There is help, real help out there. I am proud to stand up and be counted on behalf of my son. Together we can make a difference.

There are quite a few places for people to get help, but unless we break the cycle of, “We are too tough to ask for help”, then those places are a waste of time and money. It’s sad but true.