Andrew Morrison

I feel humbled to be able to contribute something to this project. I’ve been fortunate to assist the guys putting this together and have been impressed by their positive intention to create something to benefit other young people.

I think it’s a powerful thing for men (young and old) to share their stories and perspectives about wellbeing. There can be a lot of pressure on us to have to be tough and independent, or appear competent and successful, and that to not know how to do something, or to ask for help is somehow weak. I think that a lot of men (myself included) can feel isolated and stuck, experiencing a disconnect between what’s going on inside us, and how we think we’re expected to behave, the role or responsibility we feel we have to maintain. As I learn and grow, I notice how much pressure I can put on myself, to perform, to achieve, to provide. I think a lot of this motivation comes from a good place, wanting to contribute, and help others, to make a difference, to develop myself. However, there can be a shadow in this for me, of trying to prove my worth by doing things, to be good enough. I can end up taking too much on, to over extend, to not listen to myself, to keep pushing, and actually end up strained and taking the world on my shoulders, or trying to make it all happen now. So lately, I’ve been reflecting on the value of patience, and ease for myself, to not always be challenging or being hard on myself, I’m learning to relax more and more, and trust that there is enough. Enough time, enough money, enough love… That, I am enough, and this, my efforts to express myself, to create and do things, are enough, just as they are. They don’t need to be perfect, and nor do I, (or you).

I’m now 40 years old, and when I think back to being a teenager, I remember it being a really hard time… I felt awkward, and desperately wanted to be different, and fit in at the same time. Again, there was pressure. I really wanted to belong, and to be cool, to do it “right”. And into my adulthood, I still carried some idea that there was a right (and a wrong) way to be. I guess now I’m realising more and more, that by accepting who I am, how I’m feeling, and what I’m doing, and learning to relax any sense of pressure or urgency to get it right, or be a certain way, or meet some idea I have of what others expect of me… Then there’s more peace. More breathing room for me to actually check out and get to know how I’m actually doing, to connect with my own feelings and needs. And to even appreciate and encourage myself to enjoy what I enjoy, and go after what’s really important to me.

When I was young, six, I lost my father to suicide, which had a huge impact on me. The full extent of which I’ve only really understood as I’ve grown older. It damaged how I saw myself and what I thought was possible in my life. Somehow my young mind made sense of that event (and some other chaos going on in my family), as it somehow being my fault, or that I deserved that loss. I felt rejected and abandoned I guess. But a good thing that’s come out of that experience for me (over time), is that I have a real appreciation for the importance that good male role models have on boys and young men. I used to work for Big Buddy mentoring, where I got to match up fatherless boys (like me) with good men, willing to spend their time and energy doing guy stuff together. It was a real honour to be involved in this process. I think it’s important for us as men to have other men in our lives that we can look up to, that we can receive encouragement and advice from, and that we can learn from and offer support to ourselves. We’re all in this together and by trusting each other, (and knowing we don’t have to be stoic and do everything on our own), our lives can be so much more meaningful and rewarding.

There’s so much more I could say (because I’m passionate about this topic). But, here’s a few things I’ve found helpful for me: Talk to people about your experience. Find people you feel safe with and can trust, that you can be honest with, so you can talk about what’s really going on, what’s important to you, and that you care about. Your challenges, your dreams, your fears. Whatever… And get out in nature, and move your body. These two things, as well as learning to meditate, (to become more calm, and still, and better able to listen to myself) have been some of the most valuable supports to my wellbeing and to dealing with stress. And lastly, give to yourself. Invest in learning about and developing yourself. To being kind, patient and easy on yourself. Our relationships and what we receive from others are so important, but our relationship with and what we give to ourselves is fundamental to how we see ourselves, what we think we deserve and is possible for us in our lives.

If you’re reading this, I hope what I’ve shared is of help to you, and wherever you’re at, whatever’s happening… May you be well, and feel good about yourself. And remember, we’re all in this together.