Billy Graham

A lot of teenagers think they don’t want help, but they do. They just don’t know how to ask.

Have you yourself or anyone you know gone through depression?

I’m probably the most unlikely person to get depressed. But, in saying that, when everything goes wrong, as sometimes they will, and you feel your family and friends are against you, normally you blame yourself, even though it’s completely out of your control. It’s not you, other people have got issues, because they are having a bad day, they are making you pay for their bad day, and you take it personally. I’m the sort of guy that is in the category, I take things personally. I’m quite soft in the heart department, and if you’re rude to me, I want to know why. It is difficult for kids to know ‘what is depression?’. It wasn’t until people like John Kirwan came on TV and started talking about it people started understanding more. When you do the best you can at something, and it still doesn’t go right, it really gets to you. When I lost in a big boxing event once, it took me two years to get over it. Heartache is probably sometimes confused with depression, but it’s the same result. You fake laugh to cover up your pain to outsiders, and you don’t want to go out, because you don’t want to bump into people that ask ‘Have you got over it yet?’. It’s getting over hurdles, which is the big thing.

You train a lot of teenage males out of your boxing gyms, do some of them struggle with depression?

There is one in particular that did, and the main reason I’d say is because he had never done sport his life, he had weight problem, acne problem, he thought people didn’t like looking at him, so he couldn’t look you in the face. We never got any feedback from him for a long time. Then one day all of a sudden he came up to me and asked ‘Billy can I spar?’ and picked one of the other boys that was in the same situation as he was in. They got in the ring and tapped one another, they didn’t even try to hurt each other. They tapped and smiled and danced, and looked like they were boxers. They only did it a few times and haven’t done it again, because they don’t want to fight, but they wanted to get the feeling of being in the ring. Those two boys completely changed their attitude, because they are doing what the other boys are doing. They know it’s possible for them to do the same as the other guys. That gave them a massive self-esteem lift. And now they can say, ‘Yeah I box, I go in the ring’.

What advice do you give the youth you train?

If you can do everything in your power to do what you know is right, you’ll think you’re a winner. It’s as simple as that. The person that thinks they are a winner, they don’t use the filthy language to scare people off or be offensive, because it doesn’t attract people towards you.

The desire to be as good as you can be. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, I’ve made more mistakes than most. But I’ve had more help than most. I managed to gravitate towards those that offer me help, rather to those that cause a hindrance. If you knock around with ‘no good’ people, you become like they are.

Changing attitudes helps, helping other people, makes them like you more and gives you more friends, when you’ve got more friends you’ll feel loved. People that are loved have a bigger chance of avoiding depression, because they can ring up people that they love and make them feel good. If I have a bad day, I have a friend in Auckland that I love very much and he makes me feel loved when I ring him up. I used to ring my nana up a lot, because she made me feel good. Find people that make you feel good, and keep them close to your heart.

Doing things for yourself; Watching what you eat, taking a shower when you first wake up, presenting yourself well. Look for good clothes, I buy a lot of my stuff at the Salvation Army and get the deals of the century. If you are dressed well and look good, then you feel good as well. Very simple things.

I’ve got to do what I know is right, and try to encourage people to do the same. We all stuff up sometimes, but there is no point in beating yourself up over it. Talk to yourself about it, apologise, and move on.

Don’t hold grudges, people have this amazing idea about revenge. I grew up with revenge, if they hit me, I was going to hit them with a bat. It’s the way I grew up, but all that does is make you bitter and sick inside, and ultimately a person that no one wants to be around.

If you don’t like yourself, or what you stand for, then change. The most important thing is how you think of yourself, and what a select few people think of you. Don’t worry about the others.

I try to encourage people to keep fit. Do enough exercise till your heart is banging and you’ve got sweat dripping off you. Take care of yourself.

Enjoy the simple and small things that make up your day.

If you are having a low point in your life, what helps you overcome it and get back out into the world?

If something is not right, I try fix it as quick as I can. I’m always busy, keep busy! Don’t burn yourself out, but keep busy. I want to put our boxing gyms all over the country, I’m two years off 70! It’s always good to have something to do.

How important is it to find a passion in life?

I think you always need to have a passion in life. When you’re young it is the perfect time to discover things about yourself. As you grow up you learn what you like and dislike. But the things that you like and dislike are forever changing. So realise if you stop liking something, to move on to something new. I was a butcher for a couple of years, because that is what I wanted to do. Then my mind changed, and I became a PE instructor, because I wanted to teach people how to get fit, I love fitness. And then I stumbled on to guest speaking, and now I can encourage thousands, instead of talking to 30 kids in a PE class. I love what I’m doing. I absolutely love boxing, as well, it turned my life around. The metaphor in boxing is ‘Hard work, works’. 10% talent, 90% hard work. I’m not scared to do the hard work. But I always look at the positive sides of the hard work, and the benefit it will eventually give me. There is always a bright side of things.

Here is a poem that I will finish with:

SOMEBODY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE:

SOMEBODY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE BUT HE WITH A CHUCKLE REPLIED “SAID MAYBE IT COULDN’T, BUT HE WOULD BE ONE WHO WOULDN’T SAY SO TILL HE TRIED.” SO HE BUCKLED RIGHT IN WITH A BIT OF A GRIN ON HIS FACE IF HE WORRIED HE HID IT. AND HE STARTED TO SING AS HE TACKLED THE THING THAT COULDN’T BE DONE AND HE DID IT. THERE ARE THOUSANDS WHO TELL YOU IT CANNOT BE DONE, THERE ARE THOUSANDS WHO PROPHESY FAILURE. THERE ARE THOUSANDS WHO TELL YOU ONE BY ONE THE DANGERS THAT WAIT TO ASAIL YOU. BUT JUST BUCKLE RIGHT IN WITH A BIT OF A GRIN TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND GO TO IT AND START TO SING AS YOU TACKLE THE THING THAT CANNOT BE DONE AND YOU’LL DO IT!

That is a good attitude to have, it will change your life if you go with it.